Personal Identity

Thoughts of Lucus Fuller

5^th of September, 2006

There seems to be truth to the axiom, one is the sum of one’s experiences. It has come to my view recently that a large portion of this society, that is the American society, feels that they are nothing if they don’t have a partner. There is another side to this, what seems to be a smaller portion of society, that discounts this reasoning to such a degree that something should be said about it.

I have several friends that seem to think that they are nobodies because they don’t have a partner. This case brings them to the brink of sever unhappiness that forces them to become so melancholy that no-one wants to be around them. I have several people in my life that have gone through many marriages and relationships that have come to realize that they don’t need a partner to be happy or to realize who they are.

One such person is my maternal grandmother. Through out her life she has been married to about five different people and god only knows how many relationships. In the past decade or so, she has come to realize that she doesn’t need a partner to make her who she is or complete. She has stories, a personal history, that gives her, her identity. It appears to me that she has come to a point that she realizes her life is hers, not hers and someone else’s.

Another person who hasn’t quite reached the state that my grandmother has is my cousin. She is fast approaching the level of my grandmother though. She has made statements to the affect that she must live her life and be her self. She has had problems of late with her relationships and self identity but it appears to me that she is following my grandmother in realizing personal identity is not related to relationships.

In my view of relationships, I see it as a case of merging two to make one. Each person must contribute his or her identity to a new one that combines the two separate. Each person is one-half but separate entities of a whole. Any person that feels they must have another person to complete him or her or make them happy is doomed to an unhappy life.

I find it best to view a relationship as something comparable to a corporation or business partnership. Each person invests something of himself or herself into it. As this is the case, you must first have something to invest; therefore, you must have your own identity, your own history, your own persona.

Therefore, after all this, it is my recommendation to all those lonely lost souls out there to find yourself. I think it is only possible to achieve this by searching with in. Consider your own past, your own experiences. Think of your story, what can you tell people about what you have done, what you want to do, how things of your past have influenced you. Once you have these basic things in mind, consider deeper and further back. Think of your childhood, your home where you grew up, the friends you have made and lost over the years. Consider how each of them affected you. Consider the things that caused the loss or the gain. All of these things make you who you are, not the person you will marry or date nor the person that you won’t marry or won’t date.

Your personal identity is your story.